Obsession is not love,
infatuation is not love,
when someone ignores you or treats you poorly, carelessly,
or with indifference
that’s not love-
that’s a lack of love.
for yourself, for trying to fill
your missing pieces with theirs
but when someone is whole and you are whole
and you act in kindness and benevolence, vulnerability
love becomes an exchange with another person-
and that is it’s truest form.
Maybe, I was never meant to stay.
Especially, when you wanted me to. I have always been interested in walking, running, and chasing memories out of everyone. The distance to me is minimal yet it seems like a walk of a lifetime, for every step you take towards me, I take a step back.
We are in a loop and no stars in the sky will fall into our constellation.
It still hurts that I left and you could do nothing about it. It still does. In my serene days and in my senile nights. Every time, there is a whisper or an echo of your name, I am crushed beneath the pain of guilt. The idea of staying intrigues me, and you know this. You know it that one day I will stop running and settle down. Make a home out of the hotel rooms.
I remember your smile and your frown. Your white sandals as you slipped your feet into them and the fringes of your hair with the wind cutting through your hair. What must have hurt is that we talked about me leaving. And I laughed. I laughed to cover the smell of pain I would leave behind.
And you could do nothing when I left.
It was a choice I made. I always looked back, and you were there, your hands buried between your palms. I wanted to come back, hold your hand and tell you all the promises again. But I knew I would break them again.
I liked three sugar cubes in my coffee. You wouldn’t know the reason, and I cannot risk to tell you my secret of sanity. So I always said: “I just like it that way.” Every single time.
There is so much you would never know about me.
What I did to keep myself sane.
Why stars spoke to me about their loneliness, why the fields cried out to caresses my feet, why the thorns thirsted for blood, why laughs after 3 AM were of sadness that would follow, why I couldn’t continue another day at 7 PM, why I never followed your footsteps to develop attachment, why people who broke me were broken too, why the sunrise always reminded me of suffering, why I hid from its raw truth, why I was scared of being alone with myself, and leaving without painful goodbyes and why I always preferred three sugar cubes in my coffee to poison the bitterness in me. Three, every time.
Maybe, you would never understand me. Maybe, you would have understood the galaxies inside me, and made a home in there.
Maybe, I was an open book but in a language stranger to you.
Maybe, if you would have asked me to stay, I would have stayed.
Critical as it may sound, every bit of life is as complicated as the next moment. Emotions are always astray and here we are under its shade trying to know what it feels like to live it. Everything around is so ambiguous that not many answers arise at the spark of a simple question.
Questions need answers so what do we do instead?
Seeking for answers as many may say has become the journey we bask upon.
People may term it with different ideologies but its as simple as it gets. Through every moment that we want to relive and every sentence we wish to undo lays the basic foundation of hope.
Hope is the answer to a lot of simple and subtle discomforts one goes through. If life were simpler why would one call it life?
Days are tough on occasions and nights tend to go sleepless, looking for motivation and hope. The anxiety of what’s gonna happen next and the fear of what’s coming your way overshadows the way we want to live life. Hope serves as a key to all these restraints making u want to face what’s in store for you.
Imagining life without hope is like imagining a life without a future. The mediocre people may be harsh in calling efforts and hope as failure but if one gives up on the need to want to live and starts trembling down, the fall is evident.
While she walked down the toughest moments of life he stood there looking at her go through it all by herself. He wanted to pull her out of it with the every bit of muscle and nerve he had but if that were the case he wouldn’t have been what he was today. Signs of hope and a mixture of the concrete beauty and the innocence she had pinned him down like a tiger in a cage. Never had he ever looked at someone like the way he looked at her.
It was difficult to comprehend what he was feeling and why he was feeling so but he did not want to let the moment go. He HOPED he’d have the chance to know the person and with every single day of sunshine on her face, he fell deeper and deeper into her eyes.